There are a lot of things that you should never mention to someone who is new to the single life. Some of them are obvious, some aren't. And I'm sure they're different to every person. I probably tend to be a little pickier than others, but I think that's okay. Here's some things I haven't appreciated people saying:
#1. Have you been on any dates yet?
No, no I have not. This is an extremely sensitive area for me right now and I don't need you to try and push me. I'll go on a date when I'm ready.
#2. He just wasn't the one.
Don't you think I've realized this already? Please don't state the obvious. Unless we're really close, that's the only way this is gonna work.
#3. He wasn't good for you.
Oh really? So after spending all that time telling me how great we were together now you're telling me that you actually didn't like him? Maybe this should've been mentioned earlier, could've saved me a lot of time.
#4. Anything that has to do with said ex.
I don't care about his life. I don't want to know anything that happens. If I want to talk about it, I will bring it up. I don't need anyone else to. I'm already trying to forget it all, don't bring up a sore subject.
#5. Have you gained/lost weight?
Pretty sure this explains itself. But I'm already dealing with a lot of issues, this just offends me in every way possible.
#6. Karma will get him.
Yes, I do want him to suffer. But I also really doubt he will. If you can hurt someone that badly, obviously you really didn't care and therefore won't feel bad about it later.
If you find yourself saying these things to someone, stop. There are so many other things you could say. Some of the better things that have been said to me:
#1. I'm sorry
You're probably saying this because you don't know what else to say, but it is nice.
#2. How is your heart doing?
Odd question, but it really does mean a lot. It means you understand the pain that I'm dealing with and genuinely care.
#3. Do you want to do something?
Yea, I probably do. I want to be distracted and not sit at home all day long.
#4. "Two months won't heal four years"
This is so true. It's not going to. Thank you for understanding that. And thank you for not pushing me.
#5. Talking about your own life.
I love knowing what else is going on outside my little area. It keeps me in the loop and I promise I'm not going to be offended if you go on a really great date or are getting married or have a new job. Don't purposefully not tell me because you're worried about offending me.
#6. How is work/school going?
I can talk about work or school for hours (okay, maybe not hours but at least a good 30 minutes). Ask me what I like and don't, what I would do if I could. Maybe don't ask me about my plans for the future though because I'm completely indecisive right now.
So, there's your guide for dealing with someone you care about after a break up. Like I said, some of these things will switch depending on the person but I think you can figure it out.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Thirteen
"Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women" - Maya Angelou
Let me start this by saying that this post is very very opinionated and I am not sorry at all if you're offended, because if you are something is wrong with you.
Earlier today, I was walking with one of my male friends to class. A girl walked in front of us and he says (and I wish I was lying): "Mmmm. Do you think girls know what yoga pants does to their bodies?" I slightly lost it at this point (two days of no sleep and living off coffee will do that to you). I quickly informed him that that girl was not wearing yoga pants for him to stare at her. She's wearing those pants because she is exhausted and they are comfortable and she should not have to dress up and put on ten pounds of make up for her to get any respect from a guy. Now there might have been a few other choice words in there, but that's the gist of what I told him. He was taken aback for a minute because me going off like that is not exactly completely normal. But I'm done with it.
Since middle school I have been told that according to that oh so lovely BMI test that I am almost overweight or I am overweight. My mom used to hide them from me, she'd tell me that that test wasn't important and none of those results mattered. But when they started giving me those results, it completely shattered how I felt about myself.
I don't consider myself "fat" (isn't that just such an ugly word?). No, I'm not a size two, but according to the media I would definitely be a "plus size" model. But as a thirteen year old, being told that you're "overweight" is horrible. I would skip breakfasts and lunches, eat nothing but salads for weeks at a time. Crunches, lunges, squats, I did it all in the privacy of my bedroom so no one would know and they would all think I was just naturally skinny. Even with all of that going on people would comment on how I looked, "You're too skinny", "You need to lose a few pounds", I was never good enough for everyone. Eventually I quit doing that. But the self esteem was never built back up to what it was before then.
I'm truly worried about society at this point. I have younger sisters, my youngest sister is thirteen. She's started wearing eyeliner and make up and while I know I did at her age, it freaks me out because I know how young she is. Luckily she's home schooled and I hope and pray that it will help her to avoid those people who will attempt to shatter her extremely high self esteem.
I truly hate that the media puts so much pressure on women to be what they consider a woman to be. Some women are meant to be the president, some are meant to be moms, some are meant to go to space, no one woman is exactly like another. But yet, society has this expectation that every woman should be exactly the same, and society's standards are absolutely impossible to meet.
Back to the original story, I don't wake up in the morning and go "Oh, these pants will make (insert body part) look good." No, it's much more of an "Alright, I have two tests today, a presentation, some studying to do for a test on this day, I got three hours of sleep, five emails to reply to, sweats it is." Sorry to disappoint some of you males, but your opinion is one that I won't be considering for quite some time. I'm truly disappointed in this friend for saying anything like that. It's not something I expected from him, but he's just one of the many people in this world that the media has set unrealistic expectations for.
Let me start this by saying that this post is very very opinionated and I am not sorry at all if you're offended, because if you are something is wrong with you.
Earlier today, I was walking with one of my male friends to class. A girl walked in front of us and he says (and I wish I was lying): "Mmmm. Do you think girls know what yoga pants does to their bodies?" I slightly lost it at this point (two days of no sleep and living off coffee will do that to you). I quickly informed him that that girl was not wearing yoga pants for him to stare at her. She's wearing those pants because she is exhausted and they are comfortable and she should not have to dress up and put on ten pounds of make up for her to get any respect from a guy. Now there might have been a few other choice words in there, but that's the gist of what I told him. He was taken aback for a minute because me going off like that is not exactly completely normal. But I'm done with it.
Since middle school I have been told that according to that oh so lovely BMI test that I am almost overweight or I am overweight. My mom used to hide them from me, she'd tell me that that test wasn't important and none of those results mattered. But when they started giving me those results, it completely shattered how I felt about myself.
I don't consider myself "fat" (isn't that just such an ugly word?). No, I'm not a size two, but according to the media I would definitely be a "plus size" model. But as a thirteen year old, being told that you're "overweight" is horrible. I would skip breakfasts and lunches, eat nothing but salads for weeks at a time. Crunches, lunges, squats, I did it all in the privacy of my bedroom so no one would know and they would all think I was just naturally skinny. Even with all of that going on people would comment on how I looked, "You're too skinny", "You need to lose a few pounds", I was never good enough for everyone. Eventually I quit doing that. But the self esteem was never built back up to what it was before then.
I'm truly worried about society at this point. I have younger sisters, my youngest sister is thirteen. She's started wearing eyeliner and make up and while I know I did at her age, it freaks me out because I know how young she is. Luckily she's home schooled and I hope and pray that it will help her to avoid those people who will attempt to shatter her extremely high self esteem.
I truly hate that the media puts so much pressure on women to be what they consider a woman to be. Some women are meant to be the president, some are meant to be moms, some are meant to go to space, no one woman is exactly like another. But yet, society has this expectation that every woman should be exactly the same, and society's standards are absolutely impossible to meet.
Back to the original story, I don't wake up in the morning and go "Oh, these pants will make (insert body part) look good." No, it's much more of an "Alright, I have two tests today, a presentation, some studying to do for a test on this day, I got three hours of sleep, five emails to reply to, sweats it is." Sorry to disappoint some of you males, but your opinion is one that I won't be considering for quite some time. I'm truly disappointed in this friend for saying anything like that. It's not something I expected from him, but he's just one of the many people in this world that the media has set unrealistic expectations for.
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