Realizing

"Don't lose yourself just because you found somebody."  

 So, in dealing with the fact that my life has completely changed, I've come to a lot of realizations. Some of those realizations have to do with the past relationship. Things I should've noticed, things that were off, things that over the past four years I was extremely willing to overlook to make things work. Other realizations have to do with what I actually want in my life. Career, family, and eventually love again.

    Slowly, I'm coming to realize who I am on my own. For the past six years I have not been single for more than two months. Which is really kind of sad. So, now I'm having the chance to remember who I am. And let me tell you, it's not the same me that I thought I was in those relationships. Here's some ideas for you:

• The only kind of music I like is country. I've tried the pop and the hip hop and the rock, and I'm sorry but they just don't work for me. And really, I only like the old country, the new stuff just doesn't do it for me.
• I love work. I'm a workaholic. Probably a bad thing. But seeing as how I spend 20-30 hours a week at work and then work on helping the campus develop new restaurant ideas (hospitality major with an emphasis in food service) and then add in being an officer of a club and having to manage that. Sure, there are days where I really want to do nothing, but then at the end of the day I don't feel productive, and I hate that feeling.
• Singing. From elementary school all the way through high school I was in choir. Sometimes multiple choirs. Even lead the church youth service worship for a couple years in high school. All region choir, voice lessons, driving between towns, traveling all of the US and then to Europe for it. I love it. And I don't do that anymore. Why would I quit doing something that I loved so much?
• I don't want to make anymore exceptions. You know how in relationships you always say "Well, I don't really like that so and so does this, but I'm sure it'll change". News flash, it won't change. People are who they are.
• I shouldn't have to change myself. I am me. That's it, there's nothing more that I can give you. Don't tell me that I need to go to gym more, or not eat Oreos (do not diss the Oreos), or that I need to relax more. If you don't like how I am, then please leave. You are no longer welcome in my life. 
• The type of guy I want to be with. I know, after every relationship you always tell yourself you're not going to be with that "type" of guy anymore. My problem is that the ex, was never the type I described in the first place. He's almost the total opposite. Yes, he did meet some of the qualifications, but he was no where near what I wanted. I'd tell you what that is, but that qualifies for a whole other entry 

    Really, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should never be so involved in a relationship that you completely forget who you are. Don't make too many exceptions (I mean, if the guy has dark hair instead of light I think I'll be okay) but don't set the bar so high that you're never going to let yourself find someone. Trust yourself, I promise you have the answers that you need.